Tis the Season to be Jolly?
By: Jason Kniola, LMHC
Tis the season to be jolly, right? Well, yes…and no. There can be so much to be grateful for, that’s for sure. Another year of life experience. It is amazing that we are here at all – participating in this miracle of being alive. Another year of learning, accomplishing, moving forward. This time of year we can often take time off to spend with family and friends. Many cultures have holidays that observe this time of year with reverence. It truly can be a time that is merry and bright.
So, it’s the time to be jolly – right?
Not for all of us. Not all of the time. Sometimes this time of year feels like a barb that cuts intensely into grief, loneliness, disappointment, and depression. Some moments, some days, some years – do not feel jolly. That is part of life too. To expect otherwise often makes things worse. We can think we, or others, should enjoy the holidays. That layer of judgement doesn’t help at all.
Years ago, when I was struggling with a time of darkness and depression, I went to therapy. I learned tools to help change thinking, cope with life, and set goals. This time of healing was so profound that I became a therapist so I could share these tools with others.
I learned during that time that the first step is to accept things as they are. That might mean things feel hopeless, scary, stressful, painful, and quite negative. It might mean things are currently very un-jolly. This is not a personal failing. This is part of life. We have seasons of love and light; we have seasons of loss and darkness. They don’t necessary align with holly jolly holidays.
If the holiday season is joyous for you, that is wonderful news! Enjoy! Spend time with friends and family. Focus on the blessings and gratitude of life. However, If you are struggling, consider the following:
- Accept: Not easy, I know. This is how it is right now. It doesn’t mean you have to like it. It doesn’t mean you have to be positive about it. However, judging yourself is not going to help.
- Reach Out: Reach out for support. Spend time with those that bring you comfort. Comfort is different than joy. Things may not be easy, things might not be bright – but being with loved ones can ease the struggle.
- Self-Compassion: Be kind and gentle with yourself. Treat yourself as you would your own best friend. Take actions that are good for your mind, body, and spirit.
- Create Traditions: Make a holiday tradition that feels authentic and brings meaning. Meaning transcends darkness and gives renewed hope for the future. Focus on gratitude. It may not seem like it but even in the darkest times there are things to be grateful for.
Most of all, remember that you are not alone. We all have gain and loss, light and dark. It may seem, at times, you are lost and alone. There are paths out of the dark forest. There are guides along the journey. As the saying goes, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”. The journey begins right where you stand.